UPDATE: Ex-stepmom demands that her stepdaughter pay her rent, using her 15-year-old half-brother as collateral to live above her means, 32-year-old sets aside savings to help rescue her sibling: 'I love him, I'm always there for him'

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  • "AITA for refusing to help my dad's ex-wife with rent after his passing, even though she is struggling and my half-brother is still a minor?"

    So here's the situation. My dad passed away 3.5 years ago when my half-brother was 11 years old. My dad and his ex-wife had been separated for about 5 years before his death, but they weren't legally divorced. During that time,
  • they didn't really have much contact, and she didn't join any family gatherings or events. Even during the funeral, she wasn't there where my aunt, my grandma, and I (32F) were, and I didn't have a close relationship with her.
  • My dad was also struggling financially and he didn't left anything behind apart from a small boat he had purchased in my name, which I sold and put the money aside for my brother's future and started paying towards his needs such as
  • education fees and monthly allowances for him. My dad had still been supporting my half- brother's mom financially, even though they weren't living together, and I only had to communicate with her a few times fter his passing about my brother's expenses.
  • Here's where things get tricky: my aunt has been paying the rent for my dad's ex-wife and my half- brother for the past 3.5 years, as my dad's ex-wife claims to be struggling financially. She works full time but also receives a pension through my dad. Now,
  • the landlord wants them to move out, and my aunt, who has been helping with rent all this time, is not in a position to pay for the rent in the future apartment. My dad's ex-wife is now asking me for help with rent, claiming she's still struggling.
  • I'm honestly conflicted. I don't have a strong relationship with her, and I don't feel it's my responsibility to help her out with rent, especially when I'm already helping my brother. I've made it clear that I can't help with the rent, but she's persistent and
  • threatening me to tell my brother that I'm this bad sister who is not helping him out with their housing situation and she told me if I'm not helping her out with rent, I shouldn't act like a good sister and help out on anything else as well. I feel like it's not fair
  • that I should take on this burden when I'm already looking out for my brother's well-being, and especially when my aunt has already been helping her all this time. My primary focus is on my brother's future, and I just don't want to take on any more responsibilities that aren't my own.
  • I also want to mention that while my dad financially supported my dad's ex-wife when they were separated, their relationship was strained, and I never felt close to her. I'm struggling with whether I'm being unreasonable for not helping her, even though she's in a tough situation.
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  • So, AITA for not wanting to help her out with rent, even though she's claiming that she is struggling?
  • I told her that life is tough for everyone, I'm in no position to pay rent, and I'm not going to send her any money from my brother's account for her rent because he will need it more in the future. It is her responsibility to find somewhere to live within her budget.
  • I also told her I don't want her to contact me ever again about anything related to this topic, as I don't believe it is my responsibility to help her. She was shameless enough to say that she didn't want the full rent, just my share that I "had" to support for my brother's sake.
  • I will send my brother a text message in a couple of days, letting him know that I love him, I'm always there for him, and he can reach out to me personally whenever he wants. I'm also considering giving him a debit card.
  • dryadduinath This grown woman is not related to you, she certainly is not your dependant, she is manipulative and selfish regarding you and her son, she's had free rent for years (?) and she has two sources of income. Do not give her money.
  • UPDATE: 1 WEEK LATER

    Over the weekend, I realized I was blocked on socials by the ex- wife and also my brother removed me as well. I reached out to my brother directly because I wanted to make sure he knew that none of this was his fault and that I will
  • always be there for him. I didn't want to say anything that could damage his relationship with his mom, but I needed him to know that I did nothing against him and that he can always reach out to me.
  • To my relief, he responded right away and reassured me that he has no hard feelings toward me at all. He already knew that a lot of what his mom told him wasn't true and even said he was actually happy about the decision I made. He told me that if he were in my position, he would have done the same thing.
  • One of the most upsetting parts of our conversation was when he admitted that he never liked asking me for money through his mom because it made him feel like a beggar, but she insisted on it. He also told me that she had
  • been looking for an apartment way beyond her budget and had been trying to collect money from different people to afford it, which confirmed my suspicions. I also learned that now they found an apartment within whatever budget she has.
  • What really broke my heart was when he said he needed to delete our messages because his mom sometimes checks his phone, and if she found out we talked, she would be very upset with him. It made me realize just how much control she has over him.
  • I reassured him that the money I was sending for him is still his, kept safely with me, and that when he needs anything, I will find a way to help him—but it won't be through his mom anymore. He understood and
  • seemed relieved. He also told me that he's already thinking about his future carefully and wants to choose a profession where he can be financially independent, so he never has to worry about money.
  • Honestly, I was happily surprised by how mature and self-aware he is for a 15-year-old. Despite everything, he's handling the situation with so much understanding and perspective, and it makes me even prouder to be his sister.
  • For now, I will keep in touch with him privately to make sure he knows he is not alone. I told him that when he grows up, I'll be there to support him, especially for things like university. He knows that no matter what happens, I will always have his back.
  • vt2022cam Wow- thanks for the update. She's trying to use him to live beyond her means and guilting you all. I'm glad you're helping him, and he responded. He, seems very mature for his age and it's good he has you. I assume his mother will make things difficult when he graduates and will need help when he's 18.
  • Trouble_Walkin Hi, there ! This is all fantastic news! I'm very glad your brother understands the situation with his mother. It's very sad she manipulates & controls him to mooch money from other family members.
  • It's very telling she was eventually able to get an affordable apartment within her income after everyone she tried to beg from refused her. It proves she always had the money, she just did not want to sacrifice any of her unnecessary luxuries to make it work.
  • When your brother is ready to start his college education, I hope you will be able to maybe have him enroll in one in your country, perhaps even live you to get him completely away from his mother.
  • I have a feeling if he goes to college near her, she may try to take any scholarship or grant monies he gets. It's a constant threat for young people, judging by the posts here. Good luck to both you & your brother. I sincerely hope he does find a successful career

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